Today, we live in an era where we aren’t truly happy. We are all sad, stressed and consumed but the societies’ pressure and our bad habits. Rare are the people who are constantly happy and entirely satisfied with their lives. I am usually optimistic and carrying a smile in my face most of the time, but I really feel that our generation is missing something important about life. Many believe that it’s due the speed that we live our life with (speed dating, speed hiring, fast-food…) others think it became hard to pursue the goals we have in life because of the complexity of the societies nowadays. There is also the problem of instant gratification that we all have due to the ease that the technology’s growth is giving.
Every reason could be true (or not), depending on the perspective of the viewer. And I actually believe that all the reasons we can list are what make our generation sad and empty. But in this letter, I want to highlight a point that almost no one thinks about, and yet present in everyday’s life. I call it the “Rejection & commitment unbalanced balance”.
Nowadays, rejection is everywhere like the oxygen in the air: we don’t really feel its presence, but it is almost always around.
This rejection culture comes from the fact that today, we judge people on what we think they are rather than taking the time needed to know them before jumping into any conclusion and decision (yes, speed is to blame here too). We reject people very easily, before being aware of what they can give and the positive energy they can spread around them. This rule can be applied on any life aspect you can think of: either friendships, relationships, family, work, applications… We reached a point where we reject without even being aware of the harm we do to the rejected person. We reached a point where rejection became a habit more than a decision. And this, lead us the second part of the balance: Commitment.
Human kind is based on the society gathering system. A person is usually part of a community, by nature. Some are introverts, others need some space sometimes, but in the majority of time, people live surrounded by a group of other people. It’s more a necessity than anything else. So, when a person is rejected from another person or a community that they wanted to be part of, they feel insecure afterwards. And to cope with this insecurity, they trigger the mode of no commitment when a similar situation occurs. A person doesn’t commit the way they should as a protection from rejection or revenge. When we have enough of rejection in the same circumstances, we build a protection shield to never live a same situation again, and this by not showing any commitment (or lacking of commitment) toward the other part. We don’t commit to prevent rejection, leading to an infinite cycle of more rejection causing less commitment, leading to disinterest and lack of confidence.
It still seems to you that rejection and commitment aren’t related? Here is an example to explain my point of view more: young people nowadays don’t settle down in relationships, lacking of commitment, and this could be caused by bad past experiences of emotional rejection by a past partner, a friend or a parent… and the cause & effect cycle goes on without an end. This doesn’t apply to relationships only, but in all different aspects of life I may say: it can happen to someone that is working hard for a dream job he is always rejected from for no evident reason (he never get the chance to show his real talents to the hiring person), and this feel of rejection make him lack of confidence and lead him to the lack of commitment toward his current position, by not giving all he can and losing interest on what he currently does.
When we face a lot of rejection in life, we lack of commitment later. And if we don’t face rejection that much, we commit easily to people and situations.
We can break this curse if we really open our eyes, by doing this: trying to be always aware of every moment you reject a person or an opportunity, and thinking “maybe I should give it a try and commit”. It can be worthy and then you win, it also can be unworthy but you lose nothing by giving a chance to someone/something that had some potential, and then and only then, you can reject without regret, because you had a reason to do so.
This reasoning can do some miracles sometimes, by giving the opportunity the person that can be the one, but you may reject if you don’t pay attention.